in despair

Three different possible existential conditions of being in despair.
1. Despair of not having a self 2. Despair of not willing to be one's self 3. Despair of willing to be one's self.
Regardless of our beliefs or principles in our life( being theists,
atheists, agnostics, solipsistic..) we are beset by these despair but
it can not occur that all these or two of them at the same time in the life of a person. It is one and only one that any of the three
will invade the self of a person though this event is an eternal act.
Every moment that any of these despair troubles a person happens in
the eternal moment not that it is infused or occured to him.her in
this particlar place and particular time. It is an immediate feeling
originated from one's self as this self having the spirit in relating
itself with the eternal. It is not caused and affected by space and
time in which the physical universe is given character. Within the
self, we can only understood this despair in an eternal intuition of
the spirit in which it relates itself to ourself as in itself is the
self. Hence, this kinds of despair are true kinds of despair for it
is the poignancy we feel penetrating as a knife in our very spirit.